Self-Hosted modded server using Essential Mod lags very badly. Even without doing anything.

So me and my friend are trying to play modded minecraft. We made a modpack but when trying to play it lags very badly. Like eating takes 2 or more seconds some tools are taking out twice and mobs lag to the point where its unplayable. We tried different mods and methods. We tried World Host, Essential Mod, E4MC and Radmin VPN (Hamachi but a little bit better) none of these give us the performance to play. We tried hosting on my pc its the same. My friends PC have a Ryzen 5 5600X, GTX 970 (I think TI) and 16GB of Ram. Mine has a Ryzen 5 5600X (I think Overclocked to 5,8Ghz) RX 6750XT and 32GB of Ram. Here is our Modlist in a txt file. Obviously we tried lowering the mod count it worked better but the problem is we played a modpack with 140+ Mods (Ours have 105) and it worked fine no performance issues. We disabled the mods that are performance heavy (checked with spark) nothing still the same. Im asking if maybe we have a mod that really impacts the performance or we have a bad pc or maybe there is something we can change to make our server playable. (i dont want to port forward and host the server myself just because i dont want to share my ip)